Things Phoenix Says.

things-phoenix-says

Hi loves,

Yesterday I wrote out a blog post and my whole computer freaked out. Not only did it shut down but then when I logged back in all my passwords were gone and so I couldn’t figure out how to login to my blog haha. I can never remember my passwords.

Anyways, yesterday was a good day. I ran to get groceries and came back home to play with my babies while Trav worked. Nix and I made chocolate chip cookies which he had been asking for for a while now. We played outside and then we made dinner, baths, and bedtime. These days feel so long and short at the same time. It’s so odd.

Has anyone else been feeling off the last couple weeks? Mercury retrograde is rough huh? I personally can’t wait for it to be over. This time of year is an especially tough time of year for me this year. Two people I care about very much took their own lives this time a year ago. I was feeling especially sad about my cousin yesterday.

Last year he and I were having a conversation over Facebook and then he went silent. I found out only hours after I had just been talking to him. We had been talking about one of his friends who was going through a really tough experience and he wanted me to reach out to her and help. I did reach out and I hope I did help. He then said, “I just don’t understand this world.” I tried to cheer him up a bit. He didn’t seem like he was thinking about anything drastic. He seemed reasonably upset about learning that his friend had experienced something really hard.

I replay that convo sometimes wishing I had somehow known what he was thinking. Or that I could have magically said something to change his mind. I am haunted by that convo.

I miss him so much and wish he could be here to see Phoenix in all his rough and tough boy glory. He would have had so much fun with him, and he would have adored Libby. Peter had the kindest heart and he would have done anything for me if I asked. I miss him so much. I cried a few good cries for him yesterday.

After you lose someone you wish you had taken more pictures. You wish you had soaked up the details of their person a little bit more. I am trying to do that especially with my kids. Soak up every little detail of the stages that don’t last more than a minute it seems likes. Nix is at an especially adorable stage. I decided I want to write down all my favorite sayings he says right now in his little baby voice.

“goo gurl baedeee” – hands the baby a toy (good girl baby). Lol I think he picked this up from us saying it to sage? Good girl Sage. But I don’t say that to the baby bahaha.

“pafire” – pacifier

“baedee seeping” – baby sleeping

“ungy mommy” – hungry mommy

“you pick it for me?!” “tank you mommy, tank you!” – anytime I pick him a flower

“I lub you mommy”

“andylin” – dandylion

“is hawt” – it’s hot

“apy birfday” – happy birthday

“go go mommy, go go, go go baedee, go go daddy” – something he says on long road trips hah

“mooie day!” – movie day (he says this when he wants to watch a movie, we don’t have movies DAYS very often haha I guess a boy can dream)

“I wan wa-er da pants” – I want to water the plants

“need haug, hang peez!” – I need a hug. (He demands hugs these days)

“I need kiss da baedee” – (he insists on kissing any owie she gets or any of us gets really)

“DAMAT!” – (yep thats a naughty one, and its my fault. He uses it in the right context too….ugh dammit!) lol.

He sings sometimes too, although his songs are not in any language that I can decipher. I love catching him singing.

I know there are a million more little sayings of his I want to remember so I’ll have to add another one soon.

Anyways thats all for now. We have a packed weekend this weekend. Visiting some family in loveland and then hanging out in Estes Park on Sunday. Today I am taking Nix to a new park in Longmont before dropping him off at Grandmas.

Hope you have a great weekend!

Love always

Haley

 

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Haley Bergsgaard